


You Are Free to Cry

by someb0ys



Category: Marvel (Movies), The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Breakfast, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Wakes & Funerals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-12
Updated: 2013-07-12
Packaged: 2017-12-19 05:44:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/880111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/someb0ys/pseuds/someb0ys





	You Are Free to Cry

Clint sniffed back tears as he opened his apartment door. He kept his eyes on the white carpet not wanting to look at Loki right now. Clint locked the door as quietly as he could, trying not to bring attention to himself.

“How did it go?” Clint silently scorned himself for being to loud as his eyes lifted up to the god. Loki took a step forward but Clint put his hand up stopping his movements. “Barton?” Clint shook his head walking past him towards the kitchen.

To his surprise Loki didn't follow. Clint grabbed a glass of water with shaky hands and loosened his tie. The funeral was awful. It was sad but Clint's used to sad. He always half expected his handler's death, on a mission or maybe from his crappy sugary diet. But not like this, not because of someone he cared for did it. He knew Loki didn't know how close they were but in the back of his mind something said it wouldn't have mattered anyhow.

Clint sat down on the kitchen table with his glass of water thinking he should have grabbed a beer instead. Loki was sitting on the couch with a book just out of Clint's sight. After he drained his glass he just sat there, for an hour or so, he didn't look at the clock but the apartment was now dark.

“Barton,” Loki said and stared at him from the kitchen doorway. Clint stared back, his face held no expression. “Ta-”

“Are you hungry?” Clint interrupted. He doubted Loki could fix any food on his own. It was his first week staying in Midgard. Clint obviously accepted Odin's offer to take Loki in. It was this or Loki would be rotting in a cell. The only catch was the other Avengers and SHIELD couldn't be informed yet.

Loki sighed shaking his head. “It's late, come lay down with me.”

The direct order coursed through Clint's body like an instinct and he got to his feet and started after Loki who headed towards the bedroom. He cursed himself for following an order but didn't want to stop, it was too late to stay up and sleep sounded nice. His whole body ached from being so tense at the funeral. Clint stood against the bedroom wall as Loki leaned in to kiss his forehead. “You need a good rest to settle your mind.” Loki pulled off Clint's jacket. Clint bit his lip, he didn't like Loki touching the suit jacket Coulson got for him.

Clint sniffed again, he felt himself welling up with tears but just like all day he couldn't bring himself to cry. Loki undid Clint's tie and started unbuttoning his dress shirt. Clint let his head fall forward, focusing on his breathing. Loki continued to undress him until he stood in only his underwear. “Go brush your teeth Clint.”

Clint nodded before heading into the bathroom. He felt like taking orders from Loki would go against Coulson's wishes but it was the only thing that seemed soothing. Clint rinsed his mouth out and went to go lay down. Loki was already in bed lying on his back. Clint laid on his side facing away from Loki. He just needed to think, even though every thing felt too numb to think.

Loki wrapped his arms around Clint's chest and kissed him behind the ear. “Face me.” When Clint didn't move he realized what bothered him. “Please Clint,” he whispered. When Clint knew it wasn't an order he turned around locking eyes with him. Loki rubbed Clint's back. “What are you thinking?” Loki asked, his stomach was full of knots.

Clint shook his head, hiding his face against Loki's chest. “Are you mad at me?”

Clint laughed which stung Loki. “No, I'm not.” Clint hugged Loki as tight as he could. He just wanted to feel grounded and safe but he didn't.

Loki kissed the top of his head. “Are you sad?” Which received a weak whimper before Clint stored the emotions away again and shook his head. Loki sighed still stroking Clint's back. “Tell me then. What is it you are feeling?”

Clint leaned up on his forearm and stared at him, his face slightly scrunched up in order to hold in some of the emotion. “I-I'm pissed off at myself, not you. I-I don't blame you, you didn't know him or anything but I still feel like it's wrong for me to love someone who killed a man who was one of the only father figures I've had. B-but I do and I can't stop.” Clint's slate blue eyes filled with tears.

Loki kissed him gently and wiped the tears from his eyes. “Just sleep for tonight. It's going to be alright.” Loki pulled him against his chest. He was racked with guilt but still there was nothing he could do so he just held him.

“I hate myself. I'm fucking sorry.” Clint whispered sobbing into Loki's chest.

Loki kissed the top of his head, breathing in his scent. He was trying not to squirm as trails of tears crawled down his side.“I'm sorry Clint. I caused this and I can not aid you. Are you positive you rather have me here?”

Clint sniffed and looked up at Loki. Loki frowned at his red puffy eyes that were still visible in the dark bedroom. “O-of course I want you here. I love y-you. I don't know why but I trust you too." Clint took a sharp inhale involuntarily, thanks to the heavy crying. "I've n-never had such a connection with someone. I kinda think it's cause," he paused wiping his eyes. "The mind control thing but now t-that it's off I still...I still love you. But it's just so fucked up of me.” He was on the brink of completely breaking down.

Loki carded his fingers through the agent's hair. “Shhh, it's alright Clint.” He couldn't remember the last time he's seen someone this upset.

Clint squeezed his eyes shut trying to stop shaking. He hasn't cried since it happened and was finally letting it out. “I-I-I'm s-sorry.” He was barley understandable.

Loki held him tighter, closing his eyes. “Do not be sorry. Let it out Clint, you are free to cry.” With that permission Clint cried harder, clutching onto the god. Loki didn't say anymore and neither did Clint. They held each other until Clint fell asleep.

 

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Loki woke up to the smell of bacon. He got out of the empty bed, wanting to go find Clint. In the kitchen he found Clint in sweats pouring coffee. “Good morning Barton.” He greeted.

Clint turned around handing him a cup and gave a weak smile. “Morning.” He kissed Loki's lips softly, they lingered there, opening their mouths as Loki threaded his fingers in Clint's hair. Clint back up until they were kissing against the counter. They moaned together searching for comfort. Loki's self hate being calmed by Clint's love and vise versa. Clint pulled back finally wearing a small smile, his eyes staring into Loki's green eyes. “We're going to be okay,” Clint promised.

Loki nodded grabbing Clint's hand.


End file.
